A lot of people who know me, I mean really know, get this side of me that tends to be, bang-boom-yeah-I-said-that-what-about-it? I mean I've said a lot of shitty things to people. But few people are of the understanding that I really only ever say those things because I care. I care enough to say that you're being a dick, I care enough to judge your friends because I'm aware that you will get hurt and meet disappointment, I care enough to say that your hot new girl\boyfriend might not be everything you see. Those few people know that I wouldn't waste my time if I didn't care about you. It's much easier to nod my head when someone I dislike ask me if the pants they are wearing make their ass look big, than to say endure the shit storm that "um, you're a little plump down there" will kick up.
Yes I'm pretty bastard-ish, but I care.
That being said in regards to my one and only true love, Crystal (G6), I've seen a lot of guys(stalkers) walk into her life. I'm seen a great many of them sent packing, a few of which I've helped arrange their things before their exit out of her life. And I've been used. Not in big dramatic ways, but subtle I-only-see-you-as-an-obstacle-in-my-way-as-I-try-to-court-Crystal kind of ways. Simply put, I am the closet that anyone can be to Crystal. I'm a G. I'm THE G. The WHOLE group. (Ok well maybe not that, it's just fun to say) I love Crytal, more than any douche bag that comes around would care to recognize or could ever live up to. Yes, yes there are other Gs that love her just as much but come on... I mean it's a wonder we aren't married yet. ( I just wouldn't sleep with her...=;P)
I understand how important it is to tell someone how you feel about them. I mean Alex would always say things like "If I died tomorrow I'd want to die without regretting anything. So this is why I try to do thing that you might see as dangerous" and I would always respond with "If I died tomorrow I would want everyone I loved to know I loved them. I love you so that takes care of that." I believe that it's one of the most important things in this world. And without such pressure as imminent death, I think it's all about how you chose to express it and the ways you go about telling someone. It's the romantic libra thing I have. ( You people should call me and we could talk about love) But on the flip side I am well aware of the potential for that to blow up in people faces, for the timing to be off or the situation to be wrong. I just wish guys would fuckin' listen to me and most of all listen to Crystal. I mean REALLY REALLY listen to her. You know instead of pile driving your way through everything. Cuz, you know here's a tip from her boyfriend of 8 years, Crystal digs guys who listen.
I just think it funny how you can line up all your cards, try to set the mood and psych yourself up and let Crystal know that you care about her and just what she means to you. That you can walk away from it feeling smug and angelic and puff out your chest. But then fail to inspire her to be motivated for a response because all you've done was corner her, because all you've done is show her how inconsiderate and selfish you are by disregarding everything else except for your own feelings. To show her that all that matters is what you want.
when did you know you were gay? although i have to say i like the term queer better than gay. i guess it just comes down to the root meaning of the words. i prefer to think of myself as strange or unusual than happy. and then what was your introduction to the "bear community"? did you always like bears or find this out about your self sometime later in your gay quest?
I always knew I was gay. From the moment I could think I knew that I enjoyed the company of men and boys and that I would one day want to spend my life with a man. Weird huh? I liked girls but always felt like they were a lesser species. Which is obviously true. OMG just kidding. Occasionally growing up there had been girls that I was attracted to and this is true even now, but in the end my feelings for men are much stronger. But who knows, maybe one day I'll have a wife and everyone will be just as surprised as me. I learned about bears and the bear community in a straight porn magazine. Weird again huh? But when I got a chance I hopped on the internet and looked it up and low and behold I found porn I'd enjoy all the time. I always the like the "bear" type of guys, but I like other types of guys as well. To list or describe them, I like guys who are tall, stocky, with facial hair, and a little muscle or bulk. But also I can say that i like soccer, baseball, rugby, football types. And when it comes down to it it's all about the guy. I know that one now more than ever. =:p ________
i like that you like moperock. i remember my introduction to it, joy division 'love will tear us apart'. i was hooked. deathrock seems to commital. i want music by a bunch of people who are too apathetic to really commit to such extremes. i like much more like whining about life in a witty manner than true hatred of anything. so to get to my question, whats your favorite cure song?
Oh man "Love will tear us apart" has so much more mean to me now than ever. And you're asking what ONE of my favorite Cure songs is?! Here's a run down of a few I love:
Lament Lovesong (Squee!) Same Deep Water As You The Figure Head The Last Day Of Summer Bloodflowers A Forest Burn Doing The Unstuck Why Can't I Be You? There Is No If Where The Birds Always Sing World In My Eyes (A Depeche Mode cover that is sexy)
Did I just make my own Cure cd? ________
Im a dork because im fascinated with the whole Ninja thing, so my question...
When will you post more video's so we can see you doing more cool ninja stuff. The one video I saw of you was amazing!
I'm trying to invest in a cheap but decent digital camera so I can take short videos and upload them. I really actually wanted to do this so I can study them and see what i need to work on. This would also be useful for my friends and their training. Plus, I'm a big geek and want to make short little movies to amuse people. I'd really like to post more over the spring and summer but we'll have to see. And thanks for watching my video, smooch smooch!
are you ever coming to see us?
I'd like to think that I could go anywhere I want at any moment but alas that is not so. I have limited funds and have large anti social streaks. Added to the fact that you aren't the only ones that wants my little Asian ass, I feel like I need to sit down and make a huge game plan. I would love to visit each and everyone one of you and i really do hope I can do that. My next trip right now is to AnimeBoston and that's going to take a lot of my resources. We'll see how my spring is as I have some personal obligations to look after. This may all seem like excuse to you but I'm very happy to have a life right now, as small and simple as it is.
what is your best memory?
It would have to be the arc of 17 and 18. I had no wants or cares in the world, no need for money, or a boyfriend, no need to be fulfilled in my life other than doing martial arts, reading, writing, watching kung fu movies, hanging out with my friends, looking at it now, large circle of friends. Dani was around, Kylen was around, Cassie and Minkus were around, Adah was Caitlin, Dave was not a bad ass breakdancer who didn't have time for people, and The G's were getting closer. Thinking about those times almost brings tears in my eyes because I feel like, as much as I have now, those times were all I could ever wish for. I missed raving under the moon, experimenting with Caitlin, going to little house parties to meeting people, and crawling around abandon buildings or just meadering around our neighborhoods hunting for ghosts and demons and other spookie okies. But time moves on and there are other things that I have to fulfill me Those people are still in my life they just have moved on. And I guess, so have I.
What kind of ninja are you?
Hmm. Well I don't know how to take that question. If you are asking of my ethnicity I am part Chinese, Khmer, and a little Japanese. If you are asking about my martial arts, I actually don't know any ninjitsu. I mean I learned of taijutsu but that was through the years. People just call me a ninja because they are either ignorant or because they are silly heads. I've been doing martial arts basically before I could even walk. My father had really big plans for me. I started with Wing Chun and Shaolin Wushu with some Shaolin Long Fist to keep me balanced. At around 5-6 I learned some of the Crane and Tiger styles, then at about 8 I was taught Goju Ryu Karate and Muay Thai kick boxing, then my father added Pa Kua, Hsing I, and Tai Chi. At one point I was introduced to his colleagues in the martial arts circle. They taught me some Capoeria, Aikido, and Jujitsu Through out the years, until I was about 13 I jumped between all of them in my training. He start to introduce Western Boxing into the mix when i was 13. At 15 I had a huge falling out with my dad about my training and spent a year learning what i wanted to learn. Mainly gathering bits and pieces from his colleagues. I came back at 16 ready to learn from him again. Now he focuses on Boxing, Muay Thai, and Wing Chun in my personal training with him. But to answer your question, I'm not really a ninja. Just happen to be asian. Oh and I can do some flips.
1. Your Name: 2. Age: 3. Favorite position: 3a. Do you want me to fuck you? 4. Do you think I'm cute? 5. Would you have sex with me? 6. lights on or off? 7. Would you have to be drunk? 8. Would you take a shower with me? 9. Have you ever thought about having sex with me? 10. Would you leave after or stay the night? 11. Do you like cuddling afterwards? 12. Condom or skin? 13. Have sex on the first date? 14. Would you kiss me during sex? 15. Do you think I would be good in bed? 16. Would you use me as a booty call? 17. Can I use you as a booty call? 18. Can we take pictures of the act? 19. How long would we have sex? 20. Would you tell your friends about me? 21. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? 22. Can I un-screen your entry if it's cute/funny?
I don't really know how to screen comments but i'm sure if you were writing this you wouldn't care if it was or not. Anyway I think I did it right, we'll have to see.
So tonight I'm going to a gay social with Frank and Da Manwich. It's a wine tasting organized along with a local community center for LGBT in the New Haven area. It will be benefiting some type of AIDS\HIV charity. Sounds nice. Now I don't drink wine and neither does Frank. But Frank likes a boy there and likes his newfound gay liberation.
I'm going for many reason. 1). I think the guy Frank likes is a total fag. As in one of those jaded bathhouse queens who tries to hook up with you and then jumps on to his online profiles to line up who's next. So any opportunity i have to call him out on his shit with Frank is an opportunity I'll take. He's 34, he should know better. But he's a nice guy though. Dull, with no personality, kind of tweaked on, well whatever approaching middle-aged gay men get tweaked on (Poopers? meth? Pinesol?), and frighteningly obsessed with Disney. But nice. Oh and he only likes skinny white boys. 2) When I came out I had always wanted to go somewhere that had people just like me, be it a gay club, bar, store, or social. Then I had interaction with actual gay people and realized that the people I am friends with are more like me. But i still always wanted to go to a social. =;P The thought of mixing my rebellious mentality with formal graces are alluring to me. 3)Alex loves wine so it will be good for him. Did I mention that he gets frisky after a few drinks?